


Fairy Tail: That one class that nobody likes cause they’re annoying as fuck

by Karmahatesme



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: All the guilds are just in one big high school, Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Multi, Rivalry, Sex Jokes, They know a little bit of magic tho, Useless Lesbians, chatfic, dumbasses being dumbasses, the dragon slayers are all friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:48:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28416378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karmahatesme/pseuds/Karmahatesme
Summary: SwordLesbian: Natsu what did you doDwagon Boi: bold of you to assume i have the braincells to do something like thisSwordLesbian: Gray?Where are my pants?: im too sexy for thisSwordLesbian: then who?WaterLesbian: Lucy.GoldenLesbian: you fucking snitch
Relationships: Cana Alberona/Mirajane Strauss, Chelia Blendy/Wendy Marvell, Evergreen/Elfman Strauss, Juvia Lockser/Erza Scarlet, Kagura Mikazuchi/Millianna, Laxus Dreyar/Freed Justine, Levy McGarden/Gajeel Redfox, Lucy Heartfilia/Erza Scarlet, Lucy Heartfilia/Juvia Lockser, Lucy Heartfilia/Juvia Lockser/Erza Scarlet, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe, Rufus Lore/Orga Nanagear, Yukino Aguria/Minerva Orland
Comments: 7
Kudos: 116





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m having fairy tail brain rot so y’all get to suffer with this

_The sexiest class of them all_

**Dwagon Boi** : GUYS HOLY FUCK

 **Where are my pants?** : what happened and how much do we owe mira 

**Dwagon Boi** : i-

 **Dwagon Boi** : DO YALL ALWAYS THINK THAT WHENEVER I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT I DID SOME DUMB SHIT THAT CAUSED DAMAGE TO THE SCHOOL?????

 **GoldenLesbian** : yep

 **WaterLesbian** : pretty much

 **The Avatar** : isn’t that your whole thing?

 **SwordLesbian** : mira has a list of the amount of times youve fucked shit up 

**Dwagon Boi** : this is homophobia smh

 **GoldenLesbian** : stop using that as your excuse for everything natsu 

**Dwagon Boi** : well excuse me “my spirits ate my homework”

 **GoldenLesbian** : YOU KNOW WHAT TAURUS IS LIKE WITH THINGS I OWN

 **Where are my pants?:** yeah last time he tried to murder Juvia for even going near you

 **WaterLesbian** : Juvia is used to it by now

 **Dwagon Boi** : anyways can I SPEAK NOW???

 **GoldenLesbian** : no

 **The Avatar** : sure Natsu :D

 **Dwagon Boi** : Why THANK you Wendy at least SOMEBODY appreciates my announcements 

**GoldenLesbian** : shut the fuck up you owe me money

 **Dwagon Boi** : just gonna ignore that so basically 

**Dwagon Boi** : there i was minding my own business

 **SwordLesbian** : lies

 **Dwagon Boi** : I WAS 

**Dwagon Boi** : NOW STOP INTERRUPTING MY STORY

 **Where** **are my pants?** : let me guess you saw Cana and Mirajane flirting?

 **Dwagon Boi** : WH- 

**Dwagon Boi** : HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW

 **Where are my pants?** : because i saw it as well you idiot

 **SwordLesbian** : plus theyve been doing this for a while

 **Dwagon Boi** : WHAT???? YOU GUYS DONT TELL ME ANYTHING SMH

 **GoldenLesbian** : maybe its because youre in detention half the time?

 **WaterLesbian** : plus the other half of the time you just set fire to things and Juvia has to put it out :(

 **GoldenLesbian** : see Natsu look what you’ve done

 **GoldenLesbian** : you made my gf sad

 **SwordLesbian** : our girlfriend 

**GoldenLesbian** : that’s called communism erza

 **SwordLesbian** : we are literally dating lucy 

**GoldenLesbian** : thats called being a lesbian erza

 **The Avatar** : how did we even get to this

 **Where are my pants?** : because natsu is an oblivious gay who causes more damage to the school than dark guilds do to villages 

**Dwagon Boi** : shut up this is natsuphobic

 **WaterLesbian** : how about all of you shut up because class is starting and half of you are late

 **GoldenLesbian** : shit

 **Where are my pants?** : shit

 **Dwagon Boi** : shit 

**GoldenLesbian** : race you losers to class

 **Where are my pants?** : oh youre on

 **Dwagon Boi** : prepare to taste defeat Lucy and gray 

**WaterLesbian** : Lucy better hurry the fuck up because I want cuddles :(

 **SwordLesbian** : i am right here

 **WaterLesbian** : ikkkk but you have a strict no pda in class rule for us

 **SwordLesbian** : that is true but for you i can make an exception

 **WaterLesbian** : :0

 **WaterLesbian** : :D

 **Dwagon Boi** : fucking lesbians 

**GoldenLesbian** : what’s that? I can’t hear you over the sound of ME WINNING

 **Dwagon Boi** : FUCK YOU

Lucy felt a rush of adrenaline, probably her body’s last hurrah before she collapsed once she got into class. Gray was following behind her, trying to keep his shirt on while Natsu was screaming about how he wouldn’t lose, even if he was dead last. Every single time the three were late to class, it would be a competition to see who could get there first.

For the first time ever Lucy was winning, and boy did it feel good.

But that adrenaline was soon running out, Lucy had pulled an all-nighter beforehand to finish off the homework she procrastinated, her body was slowly giving up and her legs were shaking.

Somebody ran past her, and Lucy saw that it was Cana drinking from a flask, most likely alcohol. The girl gave Lucy a wink and sped ahead, getting into their class first, followed by Lucy, Gray and finally Natsu.

The blonde collapsed back onto her chair, ignoring the scolds she was getting from her teacher, while Natsu sat down behind her, and Gray sat right at the back of the class. Cana was of course, sitting with her feet kicked up onto the desk, not caring about her teachers harsh glare.

”Geez Lucy, Juvia thinks you shouldn’t stay up so late to finish homework...” Juvia whispered to her girlfriend, who sighed and pulled out said homework.

”I know I know, but I genuinely forgot about it this time...” Lucy mumbled back, earning a poke in her side by Erza.

”Then Juvia and I shall help you remember these things, right Juvia?” Erza smiled at the water woman.

”Right!” Juvia smiled back, a faint blush on her cheeks.

Lucy could only chuckle, she rested her head on her desk and took in the beauty of Juvia and Erza.

How lucky she was to have two girlfriends who deeply cared about her.

Soon that would all change. 


	2. Eyyyy Macarena! *gets shot*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GoldenLesbian: guys not to break up this tender moment but I think i got myself involved with a gang???
> 
> WaterLesbian: Again Lucy???
> 
> Dilf Lover: THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN UP TO
> 
> SwordLesbian: nothing that concerns you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some extra info
> 
> The dragon slayers are all in a gang
> 
> The dragons that raised the dragon slayers are all human
> 
> Everyone can still use magic, but they’re all in a modern high school so that’s why there’s some references to things like Star Wars

_GoldenLesbian has reset the chat name!_   
  


_GoldenLesbian has changed the chat name to_

_‘Natsu stop being a little bitch’!_

**Dwagon Boi** : cant believe yall changed the name to call me out

 **GoldenLesbian** : it was either calling you out or calling cana out

 **Hey Mama’s** : the fuck did I do

 **GoldenLesbian** : everything 

**Hey Mama’s** : i accidentally flirted with your mom ON ONE OCCASION AND YOU STILL HAVENT LET IT GO???

 **GoldenLesbian** : SHES MY MOM OF COURSE I HAVENT LET IT GO

 **Where are my pants?** : Cana decides to flirt with whatever women she can and then gets bonked by Mirajane 

**Hey Mama’s** : its the circle of life anyways got banned from a stall today❤️

 **Hot Demon** : Cana please don’t tell me you flirted with another vendor by the school.

 **Hey Mama’s** : i will not tell you then

 **SwordLesbian** : wait aren’t you and mirajane dating?

 **Hey Mama’s** : its complicated 

**Hot Demon** : id rather not talk about it

 **SwordLesbian** : apologies, i shouldnt have asked.

 **The Avatar** : me and the dragon gang got detention :(

 **WaterLesbian** : Juvia got dragged into it.

 **Dwagon Boi** : I SAID I WAS SORRY

 **WaterLesbian** : perish thot.

 **Hey Mama’s** : ohhh so thats why the kitchen was blown up

 **Hey Mama’s** : just thought my flour bomb prank went overboard 

**Hot Demon** : your what prank :)

 **Hey Mama’s** : bold of you to assume I feel fear anymore 

**SwordLesbian** : mood

 **GoldenLesbian** : you guys get no fears???

 **GoldenLesbian** : I got fear of fucking spiders and have you FUCKINF SEEN SOME OF THE SPIDERS IN MY MANOR???

 **Dwagon Boi** : speaking of manor

 **Dwagon Boi** : is your hot dad still there 🤤

 **GoldenLesbian** : WHAT IS WITH YOU AND CANA HAVING AN INTEREST WITH MY PARENTS???

 **Hey Mama’s** : IT WAS ONE FUCKING TIME YOU LITTLE BITCH

 **Dwagon Boi** : I WAS JOKING LUCY I DONT LIKE DILFS

 **Where are my pants?** : sure natsu

 **Where are my pants?** : you literally got raised by a himbo dilf

 **Where are my pants?** : those himbo genes rest in you and now you’re a dilf lover 

**GoldenLesbian** : DILF LOVER IM-  
  


 _GoldenLesbian has changed Dwagon Boi’s_ _name to ‘Dilf Lover’!_  
  


 **Dilf Lover** : IT WAS A JOKE YOU GUYS YOURE ALL SO FUCKINF MEAN

 **Iron Man** : HEYO DONT FUCKING SWEAR IN FRONT OF THE KID

 **The Avatar** : Fuck :D

 **Iron Man** : LOOK WHATCHA FUCKINF DID SALAMANDER 

**Dilf Lover** : FUCK YOU BITCH THIS IS YOUR FAULT 

**WaterLesbian** : both of you shut it.

 **SwordLesbian** : or must we deal with you both?

 **Dilf Lover** : no ma’am.

 **Iron Man** : No ma’am.

 **GoldenLesbian** : that’s hot

 **Hey Mama’s** : you’re a simp and a bottom lucy 

**GoldenLesbian** : GIRL SHUT UP YOU LITERALLY THIRSTED OVER MIRAS ASS BEFORE

 **Hey Mama’s** : who wouldnt thirst over Mira’s ass

 **Hot Demon** : go to horny jail

 **Hey Mama’s** : SHE FUCKING HIT ME WITH A STICK

 **Where are my pants?** : as she should.

 **Hey Mama’s** : this is the appreciation i get? best friends for 10 years 

**Hey Mama’s** : i take back all the times I called you swag

 **Where are my pants?** : how fucking dare

 **Iron Man** : canas turnin to the dark side

 **Hot Demon** : if she does im dragging her back to the good side

 **Hey Mama’s** : nooo lemme be anakin skywalker 

**Hot Demon** : we both know you’d just drink alcohol and kill someone on accident if you joined the dark side 

**Hey Mama’s** : i 

**Hey Mama’s** : true 

**GoldenLesbian** : guys not to break up this tender moment I think i got myself involved with a gang???

 **WaterLesbian** : Again Lucy???

 **Dilf Lover** : THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN UP TO

 **SwordLesbian** : nothing that concerns you.

 **GoldenLesbian** : they call themselves Tartaros? Some guy here’s called jackal and hes trying to convince me to join

 **The Avatar** : oh stay safe lucy!!

 **GoldenLesbian** : don’t worry I said I wasn’t interested and left 

**SwordLesbian** : good. from what i heard tartaros is a dangerous gang.

 **Hot Demon** : yeah, and they love to cause destruction.

 **Dilf Lover** : yeah my bro is associated withwhdisbsj 

**SwordLesbian** : ?

 **Dilf Lover** : This is Carla, I confiscated Natsu’s phone as he is in detention and should not be on it in the first place.

 **Hey Mama’s** : no mercy for the dilf lover ig

 **Hey Mama’s** : anyways im gonna go to the convenience store what do yall want?

 **Where are my pants?** : my dad to come back

 **Hey Mama’s** : ive got like

 **Hey Mama’s** : 250 jewels

 **Where are my pants?** : bitch why are you broke

 **Hey Mama’s** : im not gonna take this fucking slander from a guy who likes himbos 

**Where are my pants?** : FUCK YOU

 **Hey Mama’s** : IM A LESBIAN

Cana quickly shut her phone off after she sent that last message, she strolled down to the local convenience store that was situated near the school.

”Geez, popsicle stand’s right though...I should probably get a part time job if I wanna get more money...” She grumbled as she pulled out her bag of jewels.

One step into the store and Cana was met with a relaxing cool breeze from the AC, instead of going to buy some snacks for herself and her friends, she walked over to the hiring board and took the job application with the highest pay, not even reading what it properly said.

Oh how a mistake that would be.

”Something, something...deliveries...high pay...improvement of magic? Eh sounds like my type of thing...” She noticed that nobody had ever touched this application, she truly wondered why as she called up the number.

”Hello, are you calling for the job?” The dark voice spoke through, predicting exactly what Cana was going to say.

”Yeah, can we set up an interview sometime or-“ Cana was cut off by the man.

”Don’t worry, you’re the only one who has applied, you’ll start on Monday. I’ll send you the location of where we shall meet, and there you will be introduced to your co-workers.” And just like that, the call ended.

“Huh...welp easy money for me...” She tucked her phone away into her front pocket and folded up the job application and slipped that easily into her other pocket.

Little did Cana know, that taking that job would be the worst mistake of her life.

”Gee, can’t believe the chick was dumb enough to even accept...” Jackal said with a smirk, scratching the inside of his ear.

”Like I had thought, people will do anything for money...just so happens that we got a particularly powerful yet...lazy wizard...” Mard Geer ran a hand through his long, silky hair.

”But don’t worry, I’ll make sure she be very helpful for this job, after all...I need the perfect specimen to be able to handle this special magic we’ll teach her...” He slammed his book shut and chuckled.

Zeref will be pleased, the perfect sacrifice, the perfect test subject, the perfect villain.

The things that Cana would soon become. 


	3. Mama UWUUUUUUU - Natsu Dragneel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dilf Lover: im gonna bop bop bop bop to the top
> 
> GoldenLesbian: I’m gonna bop bop bop you on the head if you don’t shut up
> 
> Where are my pants?: at least it can’t get any worse 
> 
> WaterLesbian: WHY IS THE SCIENCE LAB JUVIAS IN ON FIRE???
> 
> Where are my pants?: I stand corrected

_Natsu stop being a little bitch_

**Hey Mama’s** : hey bitches i finally got a job

 **Where are my pants?** : thats a good joke

 **Hey Mama’s** : no im serious

 **Dilf Lover** : i thought you were Cana?

 **Hey Mama’s** : dear gods i hate this chat

 **SwordLesbian** : Congratulations on the job Cana, what is it?

 **Hey Mama’s** : oh just a simple warehouse job, stacking crates and shit

 **Hey Mama’s** : plus i get to learn more magic

 **WaterLesbian** : Oh that sounds good! Juvia hopes you don’t hurt yourself though!

 **Hot Demon** : Like she’ll listen.

 **Hey Mama’s** : Oh sorry mira didnt think youd care about me actually starting to get my life back on track

 **Hot Demon** : maybe if you didnt keep slagging off in class and flirted with every girl that dare goes near you you wouldnt have to get a job

 **Hey Mama’s** : yknow i reallt wouldve hoped youd be proud of me getting a job but nope

 **Hey Mama’s** : just more insults 

**SwordLesbian** : you two. cool it.

 **Hey Mama’s** : i need to leave anyway, job starts today.

 **GoldenLesbian** : good luck cana!

 **Where are my pants?** : stay safe dude

 **Hey Mama’s** : yeah yeah whatever 

**GoldenLesbian** : Mira what the hell was that?

 **Hot Demon** : We got into an argument. And I’m not forgiving her, since she’s not forgiving me.

 **Dilf Lover** : oh geez that bad huh?

 **Hot Demon** : Yes. Now let’s move on.

 **Dilf Lover** : topic changes are what I’m good at

 **Dilf Lover** : the songs in high school musical slapped 

**Where are my pants?** : again with high school musical

 **Iron Man** : HEY THE SALAMANDERS GOT A POINT

 **Iron Man** : THOSE SONGS DID FUCKING SLAP

 **Iron Man** : LIKE STICK TO THE STATUS QUO

 **Dilf Lover** : im gonna bop bop bop bop to the top

 **GoldenLesbian** : I’m gonna bop bop bop you on the head if you don’t shut up

 **Where are my pants?** : at least it can’t get any worse 

**WaterLesbian** : WHY IS THE SCIENCE LAB JUVIAS IN ON FIRE???

 **Where are my pants?** : I stand corrected

 **GoldenLesbian** : JUVIA WHAT

 **WaterLesbian** : JUVIA DOESNT KNOW ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE SMELLS SMOKE AND NOW THERES FIRE 

**GoldenLesbian** : IM COMING SWEETIE DONT WORRY

 **SwordLesbian** : theres the fire alarm going off, lucy you better not be running right into the fire

 **GoldenLesbian** : BYE GOTTA SAVE OUR GIRLFRIEND 

**SwordLesbian** : LUCY HEARTFILIA

  
Lucy ignored the constant ringing from her phone, quickly running around a corner she could see the smoke emerging from one of the many chemistry labs of their school, and she knew Juvia was trapped in there.

The door was already open, and she made sure to crawl down so she wouldn’t inhale too much of the smoke. The room was in a blaze, but none of the chemicals had been blown up yet thank Irene.

Juvia could be seen cowering in the corner, and Lucy quickly crawled over and reached out towards her girlfriend.

”Hey it’s ok, I’m here!” She yelled out, and she felt warmth in her hand, Juvia holding onto it tightly.

Suddenly Lucy was picked up, the same with Juvia, and the two were taken out of the room and far enough that they wouldn’t get hurt if there was an explosion. Erza looked down at the two with a harsh glare.

”Lucy.”

”Erza sweetie-“ Lucy was cut off by her terrifying girlfriend. 

”Do not ‘sweetie’ me, do you know how dangerous that was? Risking your life to save Juvia?” She held the two close, shaking slightly.

”I thought I would’ve lost you both because of this.” She murmured out.

”Erza...I’m sorry...I know I should’ve stayed away but Juvia was in danger! I couldn’t let her get hurt!” Lucy cupped Juvia’s cheek, causing the water woman to blush.

”Juvia is sorry she let this happen...she should’ve been more careful-“ Erza kissed Juvia deeply, before doing the same with Lucy, leaving the two girls incredibly red faced.

“It was not your fault, now come, the firemen shall deal with this now.” Once again, the strong woman picked both her girlfriends up with ease and walked away from the wreckage.

  
Cana stayed silent as she watched the smoke pour out of the window, this was her doing after all, her first proper job and she was already destroying things? She couldn’t just say no, she needed this money if she wanted to keep her apartment.

”Not so bad Cana! But ya could’a gone a little harder...that water bitch escaped with her girlfriends.” Jackal spoke up next to her, disguised as a regular student there.

”Hm. I assume Mard Geer wants us to return?” She turned her head to look at the odd creature.

”Yeah, he’s got another job for ya, better hurry if ya want to make some more money quickly...” He smirked, Cana nodded and the two made their journey back to the warehouse.

_Natsu stop being a little bitch_

**GoldenLesbian** : that was hot

 **GoldenLesbian** : figuratively and literally 

**SwordLesbian** : please never do something that risky again

 **WaterLesbian** : It was very brave but also stupid :(

 **Dilf Lover** : the whole school was betting over if you would just make out in the burning room or go out like JD

 **GoldenLesbian** : damn ok thanks for having faith in me you guys

 **Hey Mama’s** : wait what happened?

 **Where are my pants?** : one of the Chem labs Juvia was in caught fire and nearly blew up with her in it

 **Iron Man** : blondie went and saved her tho

 **Hey Mama’s** : Holy fuck are you guys ok?

 **GoldenLesbian** : Yep! No need to worry!

 **WaterLesbian** : Juvia is ok, but a little shocked at how suddenly it started.

 **Hot Demon** : sounded like something got knocked over and started the fire, you were in their for your extra credit lessons correct?

 **WaterLesbian** : Yes! Everyone else had either left to go home or were at extracurricular activities!

 **Hot Demon** : interesting.

 **SwordLesbian** : What are your thoughts on this Mira?

 **Hot Demon** : For now, it will be deemed as an accident, but I’m going to check over the classroom once it’s safe to return to it, I’ll check for any evidence.

 **SwordLesbian** : Allow me to help.

 **Where are my pants** : and me.

 **Dilf Lover** : AND ME YOU CAN NEVER FORGET ME

 **Iron Man** : like you let us forget you? yer screamin half the time salamander

 **Dilf Lover** : OI SHUT UP IM LOVEABLE 

**Where are my pants** : That is heavily debatable.

 **Dilf Lover** : >:0

 **Dilf Lover** : I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO OFFENDED IN MY LIFE

 **Where are my pants** : This will be the first of many times you will be offended by me.

 **Dilf Lover** : bitch

 **Where are my pants** : Blocked.

 **Dilf Lover** : wait wait unblock me i need to tell you something

 **Where are my pants?** : unblocked.

 **Dilf Lover** : B I T C H


End file.
